People are complex with different perspectives, opinions, personalities, and motivations both personally and professionally. As a result, managing situations with team members can be challenging.
How many times have you seen a situation at work get worse, handled inadequately, or go unresolved? You probably witnessed some individuals poorly handle the issue or avoid it altogether. Fight or flight! Sound familiar? As a manager, you don’t have the luxury of adopting an avoidance strategy nor can you afford to respond to issues poorly. Good managers must be proactive in addressing issues and do so in a way that allows an open and candid dialogue. So how do you do this?
Well, there are some fundamental rules to consider when it comes to having difficult conversations. First, it is important to understand that difficult conversations usually occur because a social or cultural norm is broken. This could be not meeting quota on a high-performing team, or simply being rude to customers.
Additionally, difficult conversations are exacerbated when the stakes are high. If you or the team member are emotionally attached to the issue, you can be certain that the conversation will be difficult. So, how do you prepare for the conversation? (Hint: You won’t always have this luxury)
If you have the time to prepare, you should start by setting aside a time that allows for limited distractions, and you should find a place to have the conversation in private. Unfortunately, difficult conversations don't always happen on your terms. In these instances, you may have to initially engage in an undesirable setting (e.g., sales floor), but you should quickly deescalate and immediately move the conversation to a more appropriate setting. Furthermore, you need to ensure you take time to write down some notes or key points that you want to include in the discussion. Depending on the situation, you may need to have a witness present.
Once the physical stage is considered, you need to mentally prepare. You do this by recognizing and considering the emotions you may have about the subject matter. Do you have a “dog in the fight”? For example, if the team member missed their quota, did it impact your team stats and affect your team’s bonus? If so, it is best to recognize this and determine the way you will respectfully convey your concern and point of view. Mutual respect is a must! Although you cannot control another person’s emotions or the way they react, you can and should control yours, and you should always remain professional and keep your composure. It is important to pay attention to your tone, non-verbals or body language, word choice, and emotions. You also need to pay attention to theirs!
This brings us to our final point. Be empathetic. You should attempt to understand the team member’s feelings, thoughts, and attitudes. Simply put, place yourself in their shoes. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with their point of view. However, doing this will certainly help to keep you from focusing only on your own.
As a manager, you are expected to work through tough issues and effectively have difficult conversations when they are needed. Keep in mind that this list is by no means exhaustive, but it should help prepare you for managing employee relations.
Although, difficult conversations with team members can be challenging, if you prepare for the conversation, whenever possible, and lead with empathy and focus on working towards a resolution together, these conversations can be mutually beneficial for both the team member and manager.
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